


our love has gone cold

by seulgisite



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 12:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18094760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seulgisite/pseuds/seulgisite
Summary: Actress Park Sooyoung tries to move on from her last relationship and does considerably well until she hears the news.





	our love has gone cold

Sooyoung couldn’t for the life of her pinpoint the exact moment her heart broke. Perhaps it broke a little every single day they spent apart and the cracks that formed had simply been irreparable.  Perhaps her heart broke when the love of her life watched as she walked out the door, never to return or be seen again. Perhaps it broke when the person she turned to on her darkest days didn’t try to stop her from leaving. Perhaps Sooyoung broke her own heart when she selfishly made a decision she knows they should’ve made together.

All she knows now is that she’s broken. Sooyoung, who once used to be whole, is now a mess of broken pieces, held together by the hope that someday, someday things will be okay. But life is cruel and Park Sooyoung’s life cannot be made an exception. That little hope that she had, the small sliver of light that the twenty-two-year-old actress held on so dearly to was now extinguished. Gone like a flame on a windy day.

Sooyoung doesn’t know how to react. She’s been met with more than her fair share of surprises; especially after she decided to become an actress but never before has Sooyoung been completely devastated at the news of hearing that her first love was in a relationship. She thinks, no  _prays_ , that it was lie. That it was a sick joke. She would laugh. She would sigh from relief. It can’t be true.

* * *

 

Sooyoung was young. And with youth comes stupidity.

She was only fifteen when she met the person she would later on dedicate her entire being to. She was only fifteen when she became aware of the fact that she was not the person the world expected her to be. Sooyoung was sixteen when she experiences her first kiss. The teenager was sixteen when she comes to terms with her identity and realized that it might not be so bad after all. She was seventeen when she is hit with the beautiful truth that she is in love. She is eighteen when she is offered an opportunity. To leave her life now and create a new one or to stay and destroy her future. She is eighteen when she makes a choice. One that she would come to regret in the long run.

Now she is twenty-two and sobbing on her bedroom floor in her large but otherwise empty apartment.

She remembers the day she left so vividly, as if it was happening in that very second. She wishes it were. Then she would choose not to walk out. But decisions, once made cannot be undone.

Sooyoung’s life went awry on an unmistakably beautiful day. The sun was shining ever so brightly, bringing along with it not just warmth but good news as well. She receives a phone call that her mother answers for her. She was in the kitchen, preparing a sandwich and listening to a random song that she does not remember adding in her playlist. Her mother hands her the phone excitedly. Sooyoung speaks to the stranger on the other end of the line and her face brightens immediately.

That happiness doesn’t last for very long as Sooyoung goes up to her room feeling ecstatic when she reads the messages on her phone. Her cheerfulness goes away and is replaced by a sense of guilt. What was she going to do? She does not know and doubts if she even wants to.

Sooyoung tries to avoid the topic, often changing the subject whenever it was bought up. Eventually the guilt became too much and she ends up telling the truth. She couldn’t lie, not to someone who has been nothing but kind and affectionate to her.

The two of them talk about it. About them, their relationship and how badly it will be affected. To Sooyoung’s surprise, her lover, who she thought would be against the idea of her leaving, was in fact very supportive and understanding. At least, that’s what happened at first.

As the months went by and Sooyoung left home more often than she stayed, their relationship strained. Both of them struggled, both of them tried to help the other. Most of the time it went well, sometimes they struggled so much that they question why they even bothered in the first place. This goes on for a while.

Unbeknownst to both of them, this was the beginning of the end. The end of what could have been but never did.

When too much pressure is applied to anything it will ultimately break. That was what happened to Sooyoung. The pressure of fame and keeping up appearances, worsened by her hidden and crumbling relationship with a woman miles away became too much for Sooyoung. She was only nineteen after all.

Sooyoung’s lover was tired and she cannot be blamed for feeling so. The girl who loved Sooyoung was tired of only ever seeing her girlfriend for a brief period of time, more often than not while the actress was asleep; when she was awake however, all they seemed to do was argue. She knows Sooyoung is trying her best but she does not understand why Sooyoung doesn’t do the same when it came to their relationship. She excuses it, wishing that this burdensome part of their relationship was only because of the lack of their time together. But that wish didn’t come true.

Fights broke out, more and more petty arguments happened more times than they laughed together. It became a normal occurrence. It became so normal that they had become indifferent to it.

Until one day they had both decided to end it.

Sooyoung’s career was taking off and her lover, no matter how hard she tried, she could not perceive to be part of it. They didn’t fight this time though Sooyoung wished that they did. At least then she would know that their relationship was still something worth fighting over. That maybe they could salvage what was left and make something better out of it. But they didn’t. Her lover, who she knows better than she knows herself, sat on the old couch of her house and watched as Sooyoung, tired and stressed, walked out of the door with tears in her eyes and a heavy heart.

Sooyoung does not take anything with her on the flight back, side for the guitar that her now ex-girlfriend had given her as a present on her sixteenth birthday. She leaves everything else, she doesn’t need them.

As sobs racked through her body, the sounds echoing off the wall of her empty apartment that seemed to resemble her soul, she remembers why she even chose the damned apartment in the first place.

It was a cozy autumn night, with the both of them cuddled on Sooyoung’s bed when a thought, a rather ridiculous one at that, made its way to her lover’s head and out of her mouth. They both thought it was hilarious. The idea that one day they would buy a large apartment and live in it until they would both have to move into the countryside to live their old age just seemed so absurd to both of them that they had laughed until Sooyoung’s mother told them to keep it down.

Sooyoung kept her promise. She bought a large apartment. The only thing it was missing was her would-be lover, had she not been stupid and left.

More sobs forced its way out of her.

Sooyoung can only imagine what life must have been like for her beloved after Sooyoung left. She wonders if she was as heartbroken or as traumatized about the experience as much as Sooyoung was. She thinks not, considering the paper in front of her said otherwise.

Sooyoung doesn’t want to think about it. About the things they had done together and ponders if her ex-girlfriend ever did the same thing with other people. She wonders if it was better that she left.

It probably was, seeing as how Sooyoung was at the top of the world, with millions upon millions of people looking up to her, envying her, wishing they could be her. All the while her loved one was there where Sooyoung had left her, only this time she was with someone else.

Sooyoung falls asleep crying.

The following morning Sooyoung tells her manager to cancel their schedule for the day, feigning illness and her manager does as he is told.

Sooyoung spends half of her day in bed doing nothing but stare at the ceiling. She falls in and out of sleep, each time she feels even more exhausted than the last.

Her stomach complains and Sooyoung is left with no option but to get up and eat lest her body gives up on her the same way she gave up on everything else. She enters the kitchen, early morning sunlight seeping through the large glass window that overlooked more boring buildings that Sooyoung had no interest in. Sooyoung opens the fridge and is surprised to find food. She usually eats at restaurants or order fast food since cooking was never her specialty. She was never home long enough to learn how to cook either. Sooyoung eats and goes back to bed. She didn’t even bother washing her face or changing clothes. Not that it mattered, it wasn’t like anyone was going to visit her.

She reaches for her phone and absentmindedly clicks the gallery. She scrolls through hundreds of photos before she reaches one that makes her heart stop cold. She clicks on it. On screen was an image of Sooyoung and her lover, both making a kissy face. She swipes and she sees more photos of them. Back from when they were together and things weren’t as messed up as they were now.

Sooyoung wonders why she hasn’t deleted them yet but deep down she knew she could never delete those photos. They were the only thing she had left of the disaster that was her past relationship.

Sooyoung ends up crying some more.

She gets up and gets a glass of water, setting it on her nightstand and her eyes land on the parcel that was delivered that afternoon before. The same envelope that caused her breakdown in the first place. She takes it in her hand and reads it for what seems like the millionth time since she first opened it.

The truth doesn’t become any easier to accept.

She was invited to an event that would take place a month away. Sooyoung knows that she shouldn’t go but buys a fancy dress and decides to go anyway, aware of the pain that she was about to put herself through.

* * *

 

The month passes quickly, with Sooyoung breaking down and crying herself to sleep every other night. She was thankful she didn’t have a drinking habit, for she would long have died from binge drinking. She waits for the dreaded day to arrive and tries to look her best.

Sooyoung is inside a limousine, anticipating the mess that was about to unfold. She gets out of the car and seals her fate.

She doesn’t even have time to enter the brick building before she is pulled aside. There she meets her doom. Her doom was dressed in a white A-line bridal gown featuring a figure-flattering ruched bodice with Diamante beading on its sweetheart neckline and hip. Sooyoung’s breath is momentarily taken away and she does not mind in the slightest.

“I can’t believe you made it!” The lady, who by now was practically jumping from excitement says.

Sooyoung struggles to form words and even more so to actually voice them out.

“You invited me,” came Sooyoung’s intelligible reply.

“I didn’t think you would show up,” The woman says shyly. When no reply came, the woman smiles and takes Sooyoung by the hand, leading her further into the building.

Once they were in a quiet, secluded place the woman lets go of Sooyoung’s hand and she has to make an effort not to wince at the sudden loss of contact.

“I’ve missed you,” Large doe eyes stared into Sooyoung. “So much.”

And suddenly Sooyoung was fifteen again. Naïve and foolish. Believing every word that came from the stranger’s mouth. She had to remind herself not to fall into the claws of the wicked again. Sooyoung feared that doing so would lead to her demise. It hurts, both physically and emotionally, for Sooyoung to see the woman dress in a way that Sooyoung never thought she would be able to look at, not without bursting into tears but somehow Sooyoung manages not to.

The woman takes a tentative step towards her and Sooyoung takes a step backward, afraid of letting the woman get any closer than she already is.

“Sooyoungie?” The woman’s concerned gaze envelopes her and the fond nickname is almost enough to send Sooyoung into a hysteric.

“Why?” Sooyoung asks. She doesn’t know what she’s asking, she just wants to listen to the other woman’s voice a little more.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” The woman shakes her head.

“Why did you invite me here?” Sooyoung says after a moment’s silence.

It was the woman’s turn to fall silent.

Sooyoung leaves. She doesn’t look back.

* * *

 

Two months have passed ever since Sooyoung turned her back and left her ex-lover once more. Two months since Sooyoung saw her last but the image of her beloved is still as fresh and taunting as if it were only yesterday.

Sooyoung was taking a day off after a particularly busy week of filming. She had a new movie coming up, this time she was playing the antagonist who seeks to destroy the protagonist simply because they do not want the other to succeed and live a happy life. Part of the reason why she agreed to the role was because she sympathized with the character. It was pathetic but true.

She’s dragged out of her thoughts as she hears a loud knock on her apartment. She walks out of her bedroom and opens the door only to be met with an unpleasant surprise.

It was her.

“Can we talk?” The woman inquired. “Let’s have lunch together.”

Sooyoung knew she was setting herself up for another sleepless night but she agrees to go anyway.

The drive to the restaurant was brief but nonetheless awkward. The silence between them was enough to drive Sooyoung mad. She was feeling all sorts of unease.

They sit at a table away from the window, where the woman knows Sooyoung will be distracted and not pay attention. The woman orders. Sooyoung doesn’t care, she lets the woman order for her. They both sit in silence as they waited for the food to arrive. Sooyoung regrets coming here.

When their food arrives and they still have not spoken to each other, Sooyoung decides to break the silence.

“Do you love her?”

The question took the woman by surprise, she drops her fork on the plate and looks at Sooyoung.

“I—” The woman hesitates. Sooyoung would be lying if she said she didn’t feel hopeful. “Yes.”

Sooyoung would be lying if she said she didn’t feel like the world was taken from her once more.

“I can’t…” Sooyoung starts to say but her loses her voice.

The woman places a hand on top of Sooyoung’s and she recoils immediately. Sooyoung feels guilty when she sees the hurt look on the woman’s face.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have been a better girlfriend.” She was close to tears now.

Sooyoung gets up.

“Don’t go,” The woman looks at her with pained eyes. Sooyoung is in shock at how even after all these years, after all those sleepless nights she spent overworking herself just so she could forget all the damage she had caused, after everything she had done in desperation; Sooyoung was still in love. In love with the person she left.

“I’m happy for you, I really am.” Sooyoung starts to leave before a hand grabs her arm.

“Please let go,” Sooyoung begs.

The woman lets go of her arm.

“I’m sorry,” Sooyoung walks off, tears in her eyes but she manages to hold them back.

And for the third time in her life Sooyoung walks away from the person she cherished the most. Only this time, her first and only love tried to stop her. But it was too late.

Bae Joohyun had moved on and Park Sooyoung was doing her best to do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> im just reposting my old works bc oomf asked for it but uh if u have any questions drop em here https://curiouscat.me/seulgisite


End file.
